The Big Bad Working World

Well it’s been three weeks since I dropped out of college. Next stop? Find a job. Luckily I found one quite quickly, in the local supermarket. My uncle happens to be good friends with the owner. Seems pretty easy, right? Not quite, as this job was not always on the table. Before the confirmation of this job, I practically ran around the town throwing my CVs at almost anyone who would take them. I didn’t care whether they were hiring or not, everyone, I mean everyone, was getting one! I took a trip to Dublin and popped CVs in most of the shops like Zara, Topshop, Brown Thomas, New Look, etc,. 

I was delighted to get the job in the supermarket. Ok, it wasn’t the most glamorous job, but a job is a job. Who was I to choose? You know what they say, ‘Beggars can’t be choosers’. So now I will spend the year, hopefully, working at this supermarket. My contract is 20-25 hours per week. Excluding teaching piano, this is my first proper job. And even that thought alone, scared me. What if I did things wrong? What if I got in trouble but didn’t mean too? Thoughts identical to those ran wild in my mind. I was sick to my stomach on the morning of induction. The major thing that shocked me, was how nice, helpful and co operative everyone who also works there was. I couldn’t believe how kind everyone was. No one minded when I asked them questions, they were happy to help!  

I spent my first day observing how the checkouts worked. I was thrown into work the next day being on my own on the checkout, which was probably the best thing for me. Of course, I made so many mistakes and honestly, I still do. But the difference is, I learn from them. It is not the same mistake constantly. I’ve noticed the reason everyone is willing to help each other is, all the ladies on the checkouts work as a team to get the job done in an efficient manner. When they help me, they are sharing their knowledge and it makes me more equipped for the job. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, the more you ask, the more you learn! 

Customers. Customers are quite a complex set of individuals. In a way, it’s like the teachers you have in school. Some could not be nicer, some are chatty or rude, some are so strict and uptight it’s ridiculous, some are constantly angry or are always moaning and some, from a student’s perspective, have no personality. Now multiply all these different types of teachers by ten, and you have the average customers that come through the checkout. In my experience, it is most the last type, Customer with No Personality, that comes through. I actually like these customers, because they are not rude or talkative, they are polite and pack their bags without any hassle. There are some customers that are just, putting it bluntly, not nice. Nothing you say or do will improve their mood. They are just grumpy or unhappy and there is nothing you can do to change that. The key thing is though, and it is one the most annoying sentences in this industry but it’s true, the ‘Customer is always right’. You have to be gracious and polite at all times. Even if that is completely out of your character, you have to do it. This isn’t school anymore, where the teacher could put you outside the door and then you could just come back in the next day. This is a job, and the consequences are much more serious like dismissal. And if it’s a job like being on the checkouts, you can easily be replaced. Remember customer’s grievances are not a personal attack on you, they just spoke to you. More than likely they would have spoke to one of your other colleagues in the same manner. So don’t take it personally! Keeping in mind that I was on the literal verge of tears on my first day, after giving a man the wrong amount of change. Two weeks later I would have handled the situation completely different and got his correct change (I didn’t know how to open the cash register twice in one transaction lol) Just always be polite and apologetic! 

Another thing about working, which is strange is the independence and the lack of independence at the same time. So your senior colleague will tell you when to go on break and how long it is for. But you need to keep track of the time because they won’t come and get you when your break is over. Of course, they’ll notice if you’re missing and get someone to call for you, but it is up to you to know when you’re suppose to go back working and make sure you’re not late. It is the same when you start working. No one will come and get you to tell you, that your shift has started, but if you are not there or are late, don’t worry they will definitely notice. See what I mean about the independence? Knowing where you are and where you should be and when you should be there, that is independence. But being restricted to certain times and operations, that is the lack of independence. 

So being new isn’t exactly fun, but no one finds it fun! The lack of a uniform is driving me insane because not only do all the other employees know that I’m new, so do the customers. Fingers crossed, it’ll be in soon. I’m wearing classic work clothes these days, not my normal clothes thank God. So they are all my notes on the working world. Remember keep track of time, ask questions, be polite and the ‘Customer is always right’. It is cliché but true. Have fun working! 

Dealing with Disappointment

Honestly, I have no idea whether I’m the best person to give advice on disappointment or not.. But seeing as over the past two months, disappointment completely tore my life apart, I’ll give it a go! Did I handle it well? Absolutely not. Did I cry or get upset? No, not at first, which was probably my one of my biggest mistakes. I should of got angry at the fact that I missed out on the course I had longed for all year, by only five points. But no, I acted as if I was happy, this was in an effort to convince myself I was happy. Maybe if I gotten angry and sad straight away, my feelings wouldn’t have grown with such intensity. 

I feel like social media is one of the worst culprits in strengthening the pain of disappointment. When the Leaving Cert., results came out, everyone posted online about how happy they were and this continued following CAO offers. Don’t get me wrong, fair play to them! They worked hard and deserved to get what they wanted and be happy. But I couldn’t stop thinking where is my happiness? I worked extremely hard, so where was my reward? They say “What’s for you won’t pass you” and I kept thinking “Well why did it pass me?!” Once again, as soon as college had started everyone’s Snapchat Stories looked so much more fun and enjoyable than my own college experience. I had one thought that I could fall back on, I knew that what people post online, wasn’t always true. No one depicts their life to be completely awful online, even when it might be.  

So here’s my advice to you, if you are feeling really down and disappointed: 

•  Let yourself cry & be disappointed

With time, the pain does go away, trust me. You are allowed be disappointed for a time  

•  Talk about it

I never hid the fact I was utterly disappointed from my family, friends or even just acquaintances from school. People do use this (not talking) as a mechanism to deal with disappointment, but I don’t think that is healthy. Even if you choose not to tell people, I think it is important to tell your family. Remember as the Cycle Against Suicide message states “It’s ok not to feel ok & it’s ok to ask for help”.

•   Acceptance 

Face the facts, it may be hard but, this is your life now & face it head on. Do the best you can, because at the end of the day, that is all you can ever do!

•  Be positive  

I’m not saying force yourself to like your situation, but if you come at it at angle with a positive mindset. It is better than a negative one. It can’t hurt to try it. Maybe you will enjoy it! You’ll never know unless you try!

My best piece of advice is to trust your gut. You just know if something isn’t right for you. Think about yourself, who cares what people will say or think. In reality you not truly value what you or your family & friends think. They are the people & opinions that matter most!! I hope this advice helped, if not, remember everyone is trying to find their own way in this tricky muddled world. You will get through this my friend. Best of luck! X 

Well that was a Disaster

Two weeks into college & I hate it. Ok, there is a lot you don’t know. As soon as I opened my results of the 17th of August 2016, my whole life began to crumble. Long story short, my expectations (which are visible from my previous post), were too high. I got 490 points & was bitterly disappointed that I didn’t break the 500s. Around twenty minutes after receiving & recalculating my points over and over again, I began to sob. It was quarter to ten in the morning and the tears didn’t stop until one o o’clock. My parents & siblings were delighted with my results, but I still felt as if I had let myself down. I was not proud of my results, and honestly, I’m still not. Subject-wise, I was happy with most of my grades, bar one or two. Annoyingly enough, they just didn’t add to the correct figure. 

It was as if a cloud had settled over me, and I was hoping & praying that it would pass as soon as the following Monday, when CAO offers came out. As expected, well at least I thought it was expected, I got an offer of Arts in Maynooth. In an effort to make myself feel excited about college, I posted online & on social media to show everyone my own ‘happiness’. During that day, my actual unhappiness began to reveal itself. Once again, I began to sob my heart out in my mother’s arms. I was so gutted I wasn’t going to be in college in Dublin. Never in a million years, would I have ever anticipated a reaction like this. Slowly, I began to spiral deep into a hole of bitter disappointment & utter sadness. 

Despite my sadness, I was still determined to go to Maynooth and ‘give it ago’. I was secretly hoping that I would fall in love with the place, and never want to leave. My parents did everything to make me feel positive and hopeful when I thought of Maynooth. A week before college began, my father took me to the campus on a Sunday. It was disastrous, I hated it there. I felt as if I didn’t like the atmosphere, but of course I did, the campus was empty! Silly me, it was the weekend! I kept envisioning the campus crowded with people and I slowly started to feel a bit better. 

Positivity was the way in which, I managed to get through the dreaded Leaving Cert., but sadly that girl was gone. Everything appeared to be grey. I was irritable, negative, constantly stressed and sad. I no longer liked myself, but didn’t know how to make myself feel better, feel like myself. These feelings began to fester and waves of anxiety that I had previously felt in fifth year started to intensify. Throughout all the confusion, I was constantly talking to my family and the advice they offered was amazing. My mother encouraged me to listen to relaxation podcasts. Today, it is the 6th of October and I have listened to them everyday since. I started listening to them three times a days and slowly reduced it to once a day. However, some days are worse than others so I have to listen to maybe two or three a day. The most valuable thing I learned was that it’s ok to have bad days. Anxiety doesn’t just go overnight and I need to deal with it. Slowly, I am learning what steps to take in order to keep my anxiety levels low. Everything I experienced/ am experiencing is normal. Sometimes people don’t have to deal with these issues until later in life, but now it’s my turn, and that is ok! 

Once college started, I threw myself into my work. I didn’t want a build up of work to contribute to me not liking college. I tried to make friends, which is incredibly hard when you do an arts degree, because your lectures are so big. You could have three hundred people in one lecture. My schedule was nice, with only ten hours, but I like structure so all the free time didn’t suit me. Some days I would have a lecture at 9am and then not another until 5pm. The workload wasn’t too heavy so it was hard to fill my spare time, but I did my best. I spent a lot of my time either with people I knew from school or by myself. I am an outgoing person and I love making new friends. I never realised it would be so challenging.  

I began to chart my days out of ten. They never reached over five. Probably the most frustrating thing I found about college, was the lack of independence. My mother had to drop me to the bus stop in the nearest town in order to the bus to Maynooth, because the bus didn’t stop where I live. I always had to depend on my mother, when my brother who goes to college in Dublin could just get the bus from where we live. It wouldn’t matter to some, but for me it was an issue that drove, excuse the pun, me insane.

After two months of bitter disappointment, I was slowly getting to grips with the fact that, this was my life now. However, this didn’t bring me any joy. The hole of sadness was getting deeper and transformed into a tunnel of darkness. I saw no light, I wasn’t hopeful and trying to think positive all time, when you constantly feel down, is exhausting. The idea of dropping out of college, had always been in the back of my mind. Luckily, my parents were completely understanding because they knew how unhappy I was. That being said, it wasn’t a decision I made overnight and honestly, it wasn’t an easy one. There was lots I had to consider: what would I do for the year?, Was I just struggling to settle in?, Would things get better, if I gave it more time?, What will I do next year?, and Is this the right decision?. As soon as dropping out, started to appear as the correct decision, the once dark, grey tunnel began to get brighter.  

So that’s what I did, I dropped out of college. Luckily enough, before the 31st of October so the college fees my parents paid will be refunded. Now I have a clean slate for next year. I already have thoughts forming of what I would like to do. I picked the wrong course this year, a simple mistake, which is not going to define my life. Repeating the Leaving Cert., wasn’t a solution in my case, but it may be in your case. I will work for the year and in the process, grow and mature as an individual. What seemed as a disaster at the time, fingers crossed, won’t always seem as one. Onwards and upwards from here!