I started this blog on the 1st of August 2016, fifteen days before getting my Leaving Cert. results. My optimism and positive outlooks oozes out of the post. Today, as I’m writing this it is one day before Leaving Cert. results are released. More importantly, it is one week until CAO offers. I sit here in my room writing this post, after an eight hour shift, I realise so much has changed.
Physically, my room is different. A new white desk, which is itching to be used for it’s proper purpose – doing assignments. A circular mirror sits on one side of my desk. It is nearly time for this to be moved as we all know I spend way to long looking at myself. Cringe I know, but true. My room is overtly colour co-ordinated, duck-egg blue sheets match the multi-coloured (including duck-egg blue) polka dotted curtains. The photos on my walls have been replaced with new faces – friends I hope to keep for life. You know who are.
Me – have I changed? Absolutely, hell yeah. Some ways are incredibly obvious, others only my friends and parents can see. Since the 10th of October 2016 until now, I have worn makeup six out of the seven days of the week – every week. My makeup skills have immensely improved. I’ve worked five days a week bar four weeks off. With an average of thirty-six hours a weeks, my year out (10 months), has been jam packed with work. My ability to do ‘small talk’ is astounding and I have completely exhausted ‘the weather’ as a topic for conversation.
As horrendous as it sounds, it is nearly scary how accustomed you get to, to having abuse hurtled at you. When working with the general public, I have been amazed at what they say. Whether their remarks are cheeky, bold, aggressive, inappropriate or down-right rude, it is truly shocking. Of course, there are wonderful kind people as well. Even though, there are days when you wonder where those people are.
It is quite funny though, I take such joy out of saying hi to people I know from the area, nights out or school. I get more ‘likes’ from the people who don’t say hi, than the ones that do! Working for the year, has opened my eyes to the ‘Real’ friendships and the ‘False’ ones. I struggled in school to distinguish between proper friends and the people you were just friends with because you sat near them in class. It is easy to get left behind when you’re not doing what everyone else is. I thank those who didn’t forget me.
Something I never thought about when I started working was friendship. I’ve met some of the best friends I’ve ever had here, at work. In homage to them, ‘Meme Queens & MK’ for life. I’ve met some extremely courageous people in work. Yes, I have only worked in a supermarket, but some of them have really struggled and I am full of admiration towards them. Having ‘the chats’ and banter with a sixty-two year old man became normal. Being plunged into an adult world as a young eighteen year old is not easy. It’s strange how normal everything becomes. Soon nothing fazes you.
As I am the youngest in my family, I used to say I had two sets of parents – my actual parents and my older sister and brother. Now I have nearly eight other ‘mammies’ and a few extra ‘fathers’. Ironic and slightly sickening as it sounds, I feel like I’m part of another big family. It is like being in school again and everyone is bonded by a specific thing. As well as the friendships I mentioned above, I have made money more. They have all made this year much easier.
Before, I didn’t have a huge interest in fashion. I knew what was nice and dressed appropriately. Don’t get me wrong, I always looked good – thanks to my mum and sister. I just didn’t really care. Having a hairdressers across from my work definitely helped. I paid such close attention to their cool, hipster black, classic clothes. I think having money also helped. I have grown into my own style. I now made the effort and wear a good – golden – layer of tan for a night out. After much persuasion from my friend B, I bought a bralette. I have since worn in twice and absolutely love it. I have branched out and realised that showing off some skin does not make you stereotypical ‘slut’ or a ‘hoe’. You can do it all in a tasteful manner. I took part in the Irish Hairdressing Championship as a model for a successful hairdresser. This opportunity was completely unexpected and one which I enjoyed very much!
This leads me on to how my judgement has changed. I have different opinions now on certain topics like ‘Repeal the 8th’ which I will explain in another post. I no longer see things as black and white – good or bad. This is because I have been influenced by other peoples’ stories and experience. My confidence has grown tremendously. I can manage tough situations. I have no fear in a public setting. I care less and less what people think.
Music has taken a backseat this year, that breaks my heart. I couldn’t go to choir or teach piano because it clashed with my work schedule. I have gone to loads of last minute concerts, as a form of compensation, and one festival. Longitude was amazing. It was the perfect combination of great weather, fun outfits and the best company. A friend had warned me not to ‘become an alcoholic’ as he suspected I would have had lots of free time. I didn’t have too much free time, but I have learned how much alcohol I can handle without being a mess and not having a hangover. Most importantly I don’t need alcohol to have fun.
So this – my year – is drawing to a close. CAO offers are released on Monday 21st of August. Honestly, I’m scared, so scared. I haven’t slept properly in a bout two and half weeks and am a nervous wreck. I really want Primary School Teaching in Marino Institute of Education. It is 460 points and after converting my points, I have 484. Is it enough? Who knows. Education Studies is 320 and is my third choice and I’ll be delighted with that one too. I’m praying everything will go my way. However, nothing can be as bad as last year. Best of luck with results and offers! I hope you’re happy. No matter what, what’s meant to be will be, so try not to worry!
Peppering My Thoughts 